last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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