P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
