Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
