Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
