I just saw a hot homeless man
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
