she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
