he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
