I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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