I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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