I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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