Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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