Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
