These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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