I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
