I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
