I am in a vortex of obligation.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
