If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
