It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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