I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
