I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
