woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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