Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
