i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
