Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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