he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
