Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
