I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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