I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
