so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
