He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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