just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
