he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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