shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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