I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
