I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've blown a few things in my day
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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