I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
