just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
