Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
