that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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