some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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