I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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