I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
