You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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