I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
