he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
