the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
