Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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