There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
