YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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