Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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