My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
