We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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