Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
