dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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