I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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