After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
