Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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