how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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