My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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