I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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