woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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