can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
