Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
