Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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