Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
