Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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