I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
