I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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