My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
