Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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