Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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