It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
