I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
