He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
