That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
