just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I AM VODKA MAN
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
