How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
