you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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