whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
