No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
