Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My ass is underappreciated
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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