i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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