The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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