i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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